"Robot of My Heart"

FADE IN.

INT. SMOKING ROOM - DAY
Leather bound books line the walls. A wingback chair sits in front of a roaring fireplace. MANAGER (45), male, enters trailed by SAL-E 2000, a robot who speaks with a very robotic voice.

MANAGER
Sir, here’s your new bodyguard bot.
SAL-E 2000.

The wingback chair whips around to reveal EDDIE (35), computer geek with glasses, drinking from a snifter of Sunny-D. He appraises SAL-E 2000.

EDDIE
I don’t want to be taken care of by
a girl bot.

SAL-E 2000
I am not a girl bot. I am a woman bot.
Do not forget that.

INT. SMOKING ROOM -NIGHT
Eddie and Sal-E 2000 sit on a blood red leather couch together by the roaring fire.

EDDIE
Nobody understands me Sal-E 2000. I’m
so alone.

SAL-E 2000
(loud)
Initiate comforting mode!

Sal-E 2000 pats Eddie on the back with a CREAKY claw.

SAL-E 2000 (CONT’D)
You are not alone. I am here with you. I
am a robot.

EDDIE
I think I love you, robot!

Eddie grabs and hugs Sal-E 2000. She does not react.

SAL-E 2000
Beep. Boop. Boop. Love? Does not compute.

EXT. EDDIE’S MANSION - DAY
Eddie goes to start his scooter. Sal-E 2000 ducks in front of him and starts it instead.

The scooter explodes. Parts of Sal-E 2000 rain down from the fiery sky.

Eddie shakes his fists at the sky.

EDDIE
Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

He gets down on his knees and pounds the ground with his fist.

EDDIE (CONT’D)
It should’ve been me! It should’ve
been me, goddammit!

Sal-E 2000’s head lands next to Eddie he picks it up.

INT. EDDIE’S WORKSHOP - NIGHT

Eddie puts Sal-E 2000 back together. She does not work.

He SOBS and holds her lifeless, mechanized body close to him. He rocks back and forth.

EDDIE
(sobbing)
No. No. No.

A single tear rolls off his cheek and into her circuitry. Sparks then
Sal-E 2000 turns into a human woman (30), with ginormous bosoms and maybe she’s blonde. I don’t know. Whatever. She’s not naked. That would just be awkward.

SALLY
Through the magic of love I have
become human.

EDDIE
The gypsy curse has been lifted!

Eddie waves his arms in the air like a muppet.

EDDIE/SALLY
Yayyy!!!!!!

FADE OUT.